Flying

Propelling yourself under water is probably the closest any of us will ever get to flying. (Unless you're brave enough to throw yourself out of an airplane) There is a feeling of freedom, suspense and utter joy that I feel when I am swimming. It is the only time that my body feels "normal" and yet extra-ordinary at the same time. I feel no aches or pains, no limitations and no restrictions. My body can do almost anything under water. I jump, bounce, float, stretch and even run effortlessly. I feel, for those brief moments, like my old self and although it is a fleeting, bitter sweet moment, I try as often as I can to recreate them.

I swim at least three to four times a week. I would go every day but the meds caution me greatly to avoid the sun, even with sunscreen at SPF 80+ (which is like slathering on peanut butter). So, I go to the pool either very early or very late and I run, and I bounce, and I float and I swim and I feel free. Afterwards I feel accomplished and genuinely content and alive. My lungs open up, my pores breathe and my skin is soft and malleable. My body becomes the complete anti-thesis of what has defined it for the last three years. In those sacred moments that I share with the water I do not have Scleroderma, and Scleroderma doesn't have me. I am simply a body submerged in water, a mind at ease, a heart at home, and a soul at peace.

"The sweet ain't as sweet without the sour." -Vanilla Sky