Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Propelling yourself under water is probably the closest any of us will ever get to flying. (Unless you're brave enough to throw yourself out of an airplane) There is a feeling of freedom, suspense and utter joy that I feel when I am swimming. It is the only time that my body feels "normal" and yet extra-ordinary at the same time. I feel no aches or pains, no limitations and no restrictions. My body can do almost anything under water. I jump, bounce, float, stretch and even run effortlessly. I feel, for those brief moments, like my old self and although it is a fleeting, bitter sweet moment, I try as often as I can to recreate them.

I swim at least three to four times a week. I would go every day but the meds caution me greatly to avoid the sun, even with sunscreen at SPF 80+ (which is like slathering on peanut butter). So, I go to the pool either very early or very late and I run, and I bounce, and I float and I swim and I feel free. Afterwards I feel accomplished and genuinely content and alive. My lungs open up, my pores breathe and my skin is soft and malleable. My body becomes the complete anti-thesis of what has defined it for the last three years. In those sacred moments that I share with the water I do not have Scleroderma, and Scleroderma doesn't have me. I am simply a body submerged in water, a mind at ease, a heart at home, and a soul at peace.

"The sweet ain't as sweet without the sour." -Vanilla Sky

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