Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Wind Blows

Happy Be-lated Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you felt as blessed as I did this year and gave thanks for all the wonderful and even miserable things that happened to you this past year because hey, we wouldn't be who we are with the good, the bad, the sweet AND the sour.

This year I spent time with my parents, my sis, my husband and my in-laws. We ate a lot of food, went to Moody Gardens to check out the Festival of Lights, which was awesome, and just spent time together sharing stories and a good laugh. It was great.

This year I gave thanks for the following things:
1. My husband.
2. My health.
3. My family.
4. My friends (especially Dan and Sabina)
5. My great job.
6. My health ;)
7. My past experiences
8. All the wonderful things that await

The list could go on, but to me those are the most important. I expect and hope for only more wonderful blessings and I know that I have God to show me the way.

Although I won't really know how my health is "officially" doing until February (my next check up date) I am still feeling really great. I'm running almost 2 miles a few days a week, I'm lifting weights without the horrible pain the day after, and I'm still meditating and doing yoga. So, I only expect the doctor to say good things. There is not much else to say, life is quite calm these days and I really like that, even if I pretend not to. So, without a whole lot of drama, I leave you with a quaint poem I wrote yesterevening. :)

There’s a willow tree that cries outside my window

I hold its branches in my eyes

And feel its leaves kissing the wind that cools me

It’s a tree I can’t climb

A part of my world I can’t converse with

She weeps and I can’t comfort her

She smiles but I don’t laugh

The sunlight weighs her down

And I am afraid to touch her

The stray cat next door finds her unnecessary

And I stand aloof, everyday

Hoping she’ll notice my stare.

Be still, be well.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Courage to Write

"You should be writing from the depths of your soul...but you must have the courage to do so."-Friedrich Behr (Little Women)

It has been a minute since I last wrote. And I guess that's what happens, when life is "alright." It's easy to share when you're high on a mountain or down in the pits of hell. But it's easy to forget that sometimes, life just is. And that even in those moments, it's important to reflect and share.

Insomnia is double edged sword. I haven't slept well in over three months, usually not more than 5 hours a night if I'm lucky, but I manage to never feel crappy the next day. I'm usually just pissed off during the night that I can't sleep. And most nights, I just lie in bed and think, since I know my body needs the rest even if my mind refuses to shut down. But this time, I had the motivation and inspiration to begin writing again.

As many of you know, I was recently working on children's books. I'm still waiting to hear from publishers, and if I don't receive any rejection letters or acceptance phone calls by December then I'll continue submitting to other places, but I've sort of put that on hold for now. I'm back to writing my memoir. But this time, it's better.

I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" but I know it's better because it's just flowing out of me. I'm not thinking about trying to sound poetic or like a literary genius. I'm just telling my story, as it happened. And, I'll admit, it's still very scary, but it's real and it's honest and it finally feels right.

I don't know if it'll ever get published, I don't know that I care if it ever does. I just need to get this out of my system and write down in the best way I know how, what I went through, what I have to look forward to, and what I'm still afraid of. I consider myself lucky to have the words, the time and the inspiration to share my journey, cause I now realize that a lot of people don't have that. So maybe, my words can be the words that others will use to express and help tell their story. And, I guess, if I can do even just that much, my experiences and my physical suffering will not have been in vain.

(P.S. my birthday was GREAT! Especially camping. Nothing like being in the woods with friends and good food, Thoreau and Emerson style.)

Be still, be well.