It has been a minute since I last wrote. And I guess that's what happens, when life is "alright." It's easy to share when you're high on a mountain or down in the pits of hell. But it's easy to forget that sometimes, life just is. And that even in those moments, it's important to reflect and share.
Insomnia is double edged sword. I haven't slept well in over three months, usually not more than 5 hours a night if I'm lucky, but I manage to never feel crappy the next day. I'm usually just pissed off during the night that I can't sleep. And most nights, I just lie in bed and think, since I know my body needs the rest even if my mind refuses to shut down. But this time, I had the motivation and inspiration to begin writing again.
As many of you know, I was recently working on children's books. I'm still waiting to hear from publishers, and if I don't receive any rejection letters or acceptance phone calls by December then I'll continue submitting to other places, but I've sort of put that on hold for now. I'm back to writing my memoir. But this time, it's better.
I'm not trying to "toot my own horn" but I know it's better because it's just flowing out of me. I'm not thinking about trying to sound poetic or like a literary genius. I'm just telling my story, as it happened. And, I'll admit, it's still very scary, but it's real and it's honest and it finally feels right.
I don't know if it'll ever get published, I don't know that I care if it ever does. I just need to get this out of my system and write down in the best way I know how, what I went through, what I have to look forward to, and what I'm still afraid of. I consider myself lucky to have the words, the time and the inspiration to share my journey, cause I now realize that a lot of people don't have that. So maybe, my words can be the words that others will use to express and help tell their story. And, I guess, if I can do even just that much, my experiences and my physical suffering will not have been in vain.
(P.S. my birthday was GREAT! Especially camping. Nothing like being in the woods with friends and good food, Thoreau and Emerson style.)
Be still, be well.