Monday, September 20, 2010

It's a Monday

The only people who truly change are the ones that have to because they have lost a part of themselves already.

I am learning this through my own experience. God revealed to me the other day that I need to finish "giving birth" to myself before I can birth other things. (That may include books and yeah, of course, babies)

Meditation is a powerful thing, I believe in it more and more each day, especially when things like that get revealed.

I know it may sound trite, cliche, hokey or what have you, but I truly believe it and I agree with Him. I am still learning all about the "new me." I am in a state of change, of rebirth, of discovering what I can do, what I can't do, what I want to do, and what I have to do. That is what this chronic illness has caused and surprisingly enough it's one of the only encouraging side effects. I'm actually enjoying this self-discovery process, no matter how long it may take.

I'm learning how to walk like a new person, I'm learning to think like a new person, like a child I'm absorbing everything around me in a new and refreshing way so that I can understand myself and the "new" world that surrounds me. The world is new to me because I am not the same, my perception of people, places and events is completely different than what it might have been a year ago, and I am actually thankful for that.

Am I still stubborn and bluntly honest? Sure. Do I still hate doing laundry and dishes? Of course. But my perception of those things has been altered. My general approach to life is different. I cannot put it into words yet, for it is like the unborn child you haven't given a name, but I know that when this process is "complete" it will be a moment of miraculous wonder and awe.

I am moving forward on my own terms. I anticipate the future not with reckless anxiety but with a patient reserve for all the humbling and empowering moments that await. And not unexpectedly, I will cling to the past in order to see how much I've grown and understand that who I was then and who I become each day are linked by one thing only: my ability to accept their differences.

People only change when they've lost a part of themselves. I have lost myself almost completely and it has been perhaps the greatest gift life itself has ever given me.

Be still, be well

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