Saturday, June 26, 2010

Simplicity Part Dos

I am continuing to simplify my life because things were getting too complicated. People sometimes say that they feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders, well that wasn't quite me. I had only the weight of my world on my shoulders and that world was getting too big. My world consisted of a 50 hour work week, chronic pain, managing pain, 12 pills a day, insomnia, bills, laundry, dishes, insomnia, more work, more pain, less sleep, heart burn, marriage, bills..... and as the saying goes "something had to give."

So, over the last week I:
1. Gave away shoes, purses, clothes and "stuff" to Goodwill
2. Gave my resignation (yep, my dream job is no more)
3. Gave in to facing my fears.

You see, my prayers were answered and they have been answered I was just trying to drown out the sounds because I was too afraid to face the reality of where my life was headed. I need to focus on me, and really mean it, I can't keep half assing this existence anymore. I need to eat better, sleep better, work out more, take my pills every day, at the right time and really I just need to REST. I have been on auto pilot since 13, working towards achieving every dream I had, and 12 years later I can say with great pride that with the exception of a Tony and a published book, I have achieved all those dreams and more. And so is rest.

God has granted me the serenity to accept the fact that a)I have Scleroderma b)I cannot do all the things I used to do c)I have to take my medicine
He has granted me the courage to a)change my lifestyle b) change my habits c)change my dreams and expectations
And I am more than thankful for the wisdom He has provided me with to make these life altering decisions.

Though I am still uncertain of what my immediate future holds, I know that in the end I will be better for it. My spirit will be stronger, my body will be healthier and my mind will finally be at peace, and perhaps with a little faith and a little love, acceptance will be something I get to choose everyday and not just some days.

"I don't regret the things I did, but those I didn't do."

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