Last week I was very angry. No, not when I went to wonderful Odessa, but shortly thereafter. So I guess "earlier this week." I had a heart full of resentment and anger for a group of people that had broken A LOT of promises to me. I resented them, I felt frustrated at not being able to do anything about it and I let it affect my overall mood and happiness level.
Over the last two days or so, I have moved past all that. Feeling anger and resentment inside is not healthy, physically, spiritually or emotionally. It, like the quote says, bogs you down, weighs on your heart and can eventually consume and harden you. No one has the right to do that to me, intentionally or unintentionally. I have let it go. I may not ever be able to trust these people again, our relationship has been scarred and I really don't know what the future holds but I know that I have accepted what has happened and I am moving on.
It's funny to realize that people whom you once looked up to and thought so highly of can come crashing down without even meaning to. I used to be very worried about disappointing others, but I've realized that being disappointed is even worse.
My husband often doesn't relate to me because I don't make a lot of friends, and I don't get close to people. I was raised a military brat, I lost friends constantly and throughout my life "friends" have severely disappointed me. I tell him I can only count on family (even though they have a tendency to disappoint me too) and that friends come and go. He completely disagrees, for him, his friends are everything. But for me, they're just people. And in our lives we will interact with and meet A LOT of "just people." I cannot put my faith in people that will only break promises, lie, and disappoint. I'm going to stick with family, because if they do any of those things, I know that the day I'm strapped to an oxygen tank and a dialysis machine they will come give me a sponge bath, wipe my forehead and say a prayer. With friends, well with friends, you are sitting at a poker table hoping that no one is bluffing.