Friday, August 30, 2013

Summer Summary

We know that in September, we will wander through the warm winds of summer's wreckage. We will welcome summer's ghost.
Henry Rollins 

It has been over 3 months since my last post. And for that I am truly sorry to any and all of my readers that were loyal. I hope that you can come back to my blog after such a long absence and still find something of interest, joy, and/or inspiration as I attempt to return to these pages on a more regular basis. 

As I'm sure you assume, a great deal has happened both good and bad these past summer months and I will give you a brief run down but spare you the agonizing self discoveries and "ah-ha" moments that accompanied them as they are gone with the hot summer winds now. I will however, leave you with a poem that came about because of my summer adventures in an effort to redeem myself from the lack of posts and to shed, if only a little light, on my growth and thoughts these past few months. 

Summer Recap:
1. Went to the Dominican Republic, as promised, and gave school supplies to the students at the school my grandfather is named after. It was an incredible SUCCESS! The students even wrote poems and shared them with us, it was a greater and more intense experience than I could ever have imagined. I felt incredibly blessed to be the granddaughter of such an amazing man and educator. 

2. Worked way too hard and stressed myself out too much. (Not good, more on that later)

3. Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism..had a mini meltdown about it, started the drugs, feeling better already!

1. Sister got married!! It was a beautiful wedding, that I pretty much coordinated, which left me bed-ridden for two days but it was SO worth it! My sister was gorgeous, we had a blast and I would do it all over again if it meant it made her happy. 

2. Still working too hard, no real breaks- ended up in the hospital at the end of the month with a relapse. (Fluid and inflammation around my heart again-womp womp) Back on high dose steroids and Imuran- yuck. Hubby forced me to the ER despite my protestations and I love him for it, he always knows how to save my life, even if at the risk of his own sanity. :) 

1. Wrote some poetry and shared it with others. (First time in MONTHS) Everyone loved it and gave me really good compliments, feeling energized by it and may just continue to attend poetry readings again. I do miss it, but it still makes me very anxious, so...BABY STEPS. 

2. Now I'm dealing with some kind of entrapped nerve in my right arm that has me learning how to be ambidextrous by force. If it's not one thing, it's another..but I really feel like I'm managing and dealing with all this better than I would a year ago..I thank yoga for that. 

3. Working on the final edits of my book so I'm hoping it will be out by early next year!!! :) 

And that's pretty much the good, the bad and the "meh." Invisible Illness Awareness Week is coming up and I have submitted some articles to be included, so wish me luck. If they get accepted I'll be sure to share the links.

Now, here's that poem I promised and next week, I promise to be more insightful. :) Enjoy!

Heart Dis-ease

More women than men 
of heart disease 
each year.

Thump thump
Thump thump
The heart
does not

It beats                                                                                                                                    
It pumps
It pushes
And pulls

But the heart
Does not
Actually ever

Four chambers
Left and right
300 grams
a small fist
full of


Thump thump

I was 13 once
I felt it throb
I felt it ache
He didn’t love me

Unrequited romance
Left me daydreaming
With Cardiovascular
Convulsions that
Threatened to take
My breath away

But the heart
Does not
Actually ever

Like a drum
Doesn’t stop
Only skips a


Heart disease is the leading cause 
of death 
in American women

Thump thump
Thump thump

I lost someone
Someone I loved

In the ground
Only the sound
Of my own
Life force
In my

Thump thump

And the heart
That won’t actually

100 Beats per
from mechanized

And there were
Tied to the
Failing rhythm
Of the tamponade
Cardiac cavity
That thrummed
And strummed
Beneath my hospital

Left untreated

And my heart
That didn’t actually
Ever break

Hispanic women are likely 
to develop heart disease 
10 years earlier 
than Caucasian women

Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump
It beats
It pumps
It pushes
It pulls
It tugs
At strings
It tightens
It tenses
It hurts
It aches

But the heart
 Ever Break

Thump thump
Thump thump
You left
I cried
It grew fonder
A palpitating
That pumped in my

And shivered down
My spine
Sending electrical
Shocks and spasms
To the left and right
Viscous ventricles now
Filled with regret

And pumped
Through the heart
And pulled
Whimpered and

But didn’t actually

Women with a history of heart disease 
are more likely to suffer
 from depression

Thump thump
thump thump 

I rocked a child
Left and right
In my womb
Of the heart
They found
Not a trace
Not a face
Not a name
Was given
To the silent hum
Of the funeral drum
for the life that never

Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump

It beats
It pumps
It pushes
It pulls
It beats
It pumps
It pushes
It pulls
It hurts
It aches

It stops

But the heart
Does not actually

1 comment:

  1. LOVE your poetry. I think that's the first poem I've ever read by you. Keep 'em coming. That's wonderful.

    Also, thanks for the update. I was wondering when you'd blog again :)