Henry Rollins
It has been over 3 months since my last post. And for that I am truly sorry to any and all of my readers that were loyal. I hope that you can come back to my blog after such a long absence and still find something of interest, joy, and/or inspiration as I attempt to return to these pages on a more regular basis.
As I'm sure you assume, a great deal has happened both good and bad these past summer months and I will give you a brief run down but spare you the agonizing self discoveries and "ah-ha" moments that accompanied them as they are gone with the hot summer winds now. I will however, leave you with a poem that came about because of my summer adventures in an effort to redeem myself from the lack of posts and to shed, if only a little light, on my growth and thoughts these past few months.
Summer Recap:
June:
1. Went to the Dominican Republic, as promised, and gave school supplies to the students at the school my grandfather is named after. It was an incredible SUCCESS! The students even wrote poems and shared them with us, it was a greater and more intense experience than I could ever have imagined. I felt incredibly blessed to be the granddaughter of such an amazing man and educator. 2. Worked way too hard and stressed myself out too much. (Not good, more on that later)
3. Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism..had a mini meltdown about it, started the drugs, feeling better already!
July:
1. Sister got married!! It was a beautiful wedding, that I pretty much coordinated, which left me bed-ridden for two days but it was SO worth it! My sister was gorgeous, we had a blast and I would do it all over again if it meant it made her happy.
2. Still working too hard, no real breaks- ended up in the hospital at the end of the month with a relapse. (Fluid and inflammation around my heart again-womp womp) Back on high dose steroids and Imuran- yuck. Hubby forced me to the ER despite my protestations and I love him for it, he always knows how to save my life, even if at the risk of his own sanity. :) August:
1. Wrote some poetry and shared it with others. (First time in MONTHS) Everyone loved it and gave me really good compliments, feeling energized by it and may just continue to attend poetry readings again. I do miss it, but it still makes me very anxious, so...BABY STEPS. 2. Now I'm dealing with some kind of entrapped nerve in my right arm that has me learning how to be ambidextrous by force. If it's not one thing, it's another..but I really feel like I'm managing and dealing with all this better than I would a year ago..I thank yoga for that.
3. Working on the final edits of my book so I'm hoping it will be out by early next year!!! :)
And that's pretty much the good, the bad and the "meh." Invisible Illness Awareness Week is coming up and I have submitted some articles to be included, so wish me luck. If they get accepted I'll be sure to share the links.
Now, here's that poem I promised and next week, I promise to be more insightful. :) Enjoy!
Heart Dis-ease
More
women than men
die
of heart disease
each year.
Thump thump
Thump thump
The heart
does not
Actually
Ever
Break
It
beats
It pumps
It pushes
And pulls
But the heart
Does not
Actually ever
Break
Four chambers
Left and right
300 grams
a small fist
full of
Blood
Thump thump
I was 13 once
I felt it throb
I felt it ache
Because
He didn’t love me
Unrequited romance
Left me daydreaming
With Cardiovascular
Convulsions that
Threatened to take
My breath away
But the heart
Does not
Actually ever
Break
Like a drum
Doesn’t stop
Only skips a
Beat
Heart
disease is the leading cause
of death
in American women
Thump thump
Thump thump
I
lost someone
Someone
I loved
In
the ground
Only
the sound
Of
my own
Life
force
Throbbing
Throbbing
In
my
Ears
Thump
thump
And
the heart
That
won’t actually
Ever
Break
100
Beats per
minute
pericardial
pericarditis
fluid
flowing
from
mechanized
membranes
And there were
Tubes
Tied to the
Failing rhythm
Of the tamponade
Cardiac cavity
That thrummed
And strummed
Beneath my hospital
Sheets
Tachycardia
Trauma
Left untreated
And
my heart
That
didn’t actually
Ever
break
Hispanic women are likely
to develop heart
disease
10 years earlier
than Caucasian women
Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump
thump
Thump
thump
It
beats
It
pumps
It
pushes
It
pulls
It
tugs
At
strings
It
tightens
It
tenses
It
hurts
It
aches
But
the heart
Doesn’t
Actually
Ever Break
Thump
thump
Thump
thump
You
left
I
cried
It
grew fonder
A
palpitating
Presence
That
pumped in my
Pupils
And
shivered down
My
spine
Sending
electrical
Shocks
and spasms
To
the left and right
Viscous
ventricles now
Filled
with regret
And
pumped
Through
the heart
That
Pushed
And
pulled
Whimpered
and
Weakened
But
didn’t actually
Ever
Break
Women
with a history of heart disease
are more likely to suffer
from depression
I rocked a child
Once
Left
and right
In
my womb
Of
the heart
They
found
Not
a trace
Not
a face
Not
a name
Was
given
To
the silent hum
Of
the funeral drum
for
the life that never
Was
Thump
thump
Thump
thump
Thump
thump
Thump
thump
It beats
It pumps
It pushes
It pulls
It beats
It pumps
It pushes
It pulls
It hurts
It aches
It stops
But the heart
Does not actually
Ever
Break.
