Keeping Up with the New Girl: SVU

“So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install, a lovely bookcase on the wall.” 
― Roald Dahl

Living with a chronic illness that flares up unpredictably and at times with a vengeance means you can count on doing one thing: watching A LOT of TV. Sure, you can "attempt" to read, but usually one is too distracted by the pain or has to sit/lay in awkward positions in order to stifle the pain/discomfort, rendering reading impossible.

So, to keep from going insane, you invest in NetFlix, Xbox Movies, HBO, Showtime and 200+ satellite network channels. Which means, you succumb yourself at times to the trashiest most mind numbing and mundane crap that gets broadcast all to escape from your own unbearable reality.

The last two weeks I've experienced a couple of flares that have left me bed/couch-ridden for most of the day and I've come to realize Lupe and I have what it takes to have our own TV show, reality, fiction or otherwise.  Of the nonsense that gets televised, only about 10% of it is actually worth watching, 70% is inane, trivial BS that makes money, and the other 20% is religious or infomercial based. I've realized that all you need to get viewers is a slightly unrealistic blend of  high-stakes, fabricated drama with a touch of obnoxious or 7th grade humor.

Lupe and I have all of that- and then some.

1. Like Guilana and Bill, Lupe and I would like to have kids but keep hitting roadblocks in our journey. I, like Guiliana have had health problems, been sent to the ER multiple times and advocate for others who have been through what I have been through. Lupe, like Bill, is a public speaker/motivator and overall awesome hubby who supports me and my shenanigans at all costs.

2. Like Jess from New Girl, I make up songs about EVERYTHING. Especially when I'm happy. And I like to speak in a British accent that no one can understand and that Lupe hates. Both she and I are teachers, and though I don't share an apartment with a bunch of dudes, I always hang out with Lupe's friends who are often very much like those guys on the show.

3. Lupe and his friends often sound like the nerds from Big Bang Theory. (Enough said)

4. Lupe and I let our dog Whiskey lick our faces like Ice and Coco. I also have crazy ideas and projects like Coco that could make for good entertainment. Like attempting to make gluten-free pizza crust (epic fail). Or deciding to go to a water park where all I can actually physically do is go on the lazy river because I can't climb all the stairs to go down the water slides. (womp womp)

5. Like SVU- we've often heard gun shots outside our window. (true story)

6. Like the infamous YouTube videos: Shit Girls Say, most of my sentences to Lupe begin with- "Honey can you do me a favor?"

7. Like any other happy married couple we bicker and fight about every unimportant thing under the sun: putting the toilet paper on the roll, washing the dishes, leaving clothes in the living room, earrings on the floor, walking/feeding/bathing the dog, directions, the weather, what's for dinner and hygiene. Add to that a couple hours a day of me being a quite hilariously drug-induced haze, stressful often dramatic and/or tear jerking and inspiring hospital visits, and two sets of cute parents that are overtly Mexican and Dominican and you've got hit show.

As you can see we have a an amazing array of dramatic and comedic experiences and moments that would make for what the general population considers entertaining TV. All we need now are a few cameras set up in random locations, a couple dozen sponsors and a makeup-artist or two to make us attractive to the general public. We are likeable, interesting and best of all I'm pretty sure we'd be the first Hispanic couple to have their own reality TV show. I mean c'mon a Dominican and a Mexican in ONE show?! We'd appeal to the massess!

But, since there aren't any producers knocking on our door, and because I don't really trust anyone else with my life story, I think we'll both stick to writing our stories for now. Because at least in our writing, we're the ones doing the editing and not anyone else.